Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
