Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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