she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
