Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
