We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i dont even know how to be here
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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