She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
