That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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