He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
