my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
