He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
