Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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