my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i need some magic done to my vagina
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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