Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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