The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
