we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
