Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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