id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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