Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
