Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
