When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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