Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
