Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
