So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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