I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Randomize
