If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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