Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
