Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
