So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
