you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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