All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
