Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
