"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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