One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
