Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
