My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
