they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need moral support for this bender
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
