i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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