Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
