So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We got so high we made milksteak
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
