are you still at the devil's house?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
