Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
