i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
