she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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