kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The uberlube is also flammable
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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