dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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