some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
