Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
