I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
