i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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