I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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