You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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