I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
