I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
