before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
