in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I booty called her while she was in labor.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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