Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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