alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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