jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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