why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
