it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
