Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
