I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Randomize
