I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
