Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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