I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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