4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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