mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
