She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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