I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am naked and annoyed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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