I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
