So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And then he peed in my hair
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