i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
