White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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